3 Remedies for Loving Relationships
-with Yourself, your Partner, Children, Family and at Work-.
1st Remedy “Judgment doesn’t stem from Love”
We could simply realize that many are not really happy with themselves or in their relationships. Self-love, as the basis of the ability to love others, is often very hurt or even absent. In my practice I frequently face that the root cause of many issues is based on a lack of experiencing to be appreciated and accepted for who they really are. This appreciation and acceptance is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our children.
We have disconnected so completely that we willingly engage in the dysfunction, yet we seem not to know how to make the changes. Bound by fear and relishing in illusory symbols of status and power, we choose to spiral through depending on approval and life clinging to our reputations, our homes, our cars and our jobs as if they defined our very existence. We and of course our children are paying the price. The real validation for us we truly can only find within ourselves, our authentic beings.
Every time a child commits suicide or goes on another school shooting rampage, we struggle to understand why? Fingers are pointed in every direction – at the media, the psychiatric drugs, the music industry, video games, lack of morality in America, but our fingers are never turned inward, toward our own hearts. We simply do not understand. of course negativity around us, fear as a result of observing daily news, has an impact on our well-being. Yes, life is just fearful, has always been, so you better get over that with focusing on positivity, and the beauty that is all over.
It is time to recognize that our own words and actions can be the cause of an ever-eroding respect for life, respect for the variety of any human being. Parents, teachers demand respectful behavior from children, they don’t want to hear ‘talking back’ but where is the place for truthful connection? Respect can only come from the heart, it is not the same as superficial politeness. What is more important, politeness out of fear for punishment of hearing and connecting to each other?
It is also time to open up to other viewpoints of life. When traumas are not healed, they are stored in the limbic brain from 3-7 generations. Traumas are everywhere. Traumas are energy fields, that move and can be trans generational. The deep loyalty children have towards their family can express itself by taken over on a deep level the problems, or trauma’s of ancestors. A child can be depressed because it is connected to the grandfather who was in a war, or lost many family members. “I take it from you”. Those dynamics, unconscious and on soul-level, become visible when we work with the morphic genetic fields. We are much more connected to the people around us then we might want to realize. Watch this little video about morph genetic fields!
It’s time to begin the healing of our hearts, to move from closed to an open heart…to letting go of all that has hurt us, focusing on the love in us and around us and seeing the beauty in others. To shine the lights that we actually are.
2nd Remedy “Hidden Family Dynamics”
“I have three young kids” said a friendly woman voice when she called me a while ago. “I want to be the best possible loving mother, and I think I am doing quite well. Though, my own mother (Louise) has always been aloof and cold towards me, as her own mother was to her. I do not want my children to continue with these patterns and dynamics and I would like to see what I can do about that in your next “Life’s Hidden Truths Workshop” (Family Constellations).
Well, she came and the work showed clearly that the mother of my client, Louise, who was not present herself, felt disconnected and aloof from her family. In other words: Love wasn’t flowing. Apparently it became clear that Louise was very connected to her grandmother. When I asked my client what happened in their lives, she remembered that her grandmother was the daughter of a native American woman who had 5 children from a white American man. Louise became extremely emotional when Native Americans and White Americans as a group were positioned. She run over to the Native Americans and was overwhelmed with grief.
The history was as follows: One night a few men from the village came down to rape and murder the grandmother of Louise and put the house on fire. Her 5 children were “watching.” Imagine what a tremendous trauma this must have been for them. With such experiences children can take the decision, subconsciously, that LOVE is frightening and that they rather don’t want to love at all anymore, a decision which has a deep impact on the soul. To avoid such terrible pain one “closes” his/her heart. To be a child from two worlds, cultures who were each others enemies, is a schizophrenic situation. A perpetrator and victim united in one person. Louise seemed to have identified with her grandmother on a deeper level. This loyalty to family members who came before us is not unusual. Acknowledging and honoring the wounds and suffering can open the gates to the flow of love. There is no resolution in forgiving in the name of others, that is not on us.
According to clinical psychology science traumas are stored in the limbic brain for about three generations. Traumas are nothing else than energy fields, present as a block in our system. There are several ways to release traumas. This constellation showed the hidden dynamics and a shift took place. A year later my client called me to say that the relationship improved quite a lot between her and Louise. Working with the energy fields of the family: the impact can be a huge shift and far reaching.
Living a life of Love: What you focus on expands. Acknowledge what runs in your sub and unconscious that might be negative or harming you, and release all that in order to be balanced and being the authentic, fearless real you! The bonus is that you will be more happy, authentic, fearless and healthy!
3rd Remedy “The powers of LOVE”
Love is one of the most powerful, sought after concepts. Without love, there is no life. Most of us want more of it, and don’t know how to get it. When living with the awareness of lack of love, negative thoughts develop and often turn into beliefs. We think we are not worthy enough of being loved the way we would like to, or we measure people by what is lovable and unlovable. We divide the world in two parts, lovable and not loveable. People we don’t like become labeled as bad or as enemies. We often feel totally entitled to have those judgments. However, judgments never stem from love.
In the desire to explain love and where it emanates from, currently often the focus is on the brain; a medical/physical explanation that love is a chemical and electrical construction. Yes, the brain is responsible for giving love its physical expression, yet ultimately, love comes from the soul, our deepest being. Of course areas in our brains are connected, but let’s not deny that we have deeper layers, unseen, that exist. Irene Muller
If we turn inwardly, a notice of love is felt in the chest, also called ‘spiritual heart center’. There are several steps one can take to enlarge that capacity of love. Expressions as “Open your heart”, “Be love, spread love, and you’ll meet love” are tangible expressions of awareness of the power what those intentions can create. It works, though.
Love is meant to heal. However, you need to work creatively with love to recognize the true core of a situation. If you would like to create more love in your life, follow my 10 steps. www,carlavanwalsum.com