Balance…Do we need it?
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Think about it, everything is built up on the concept of ‘balancing’.You don’t like arrogant, snobby people? Well, the other end of the stick is insecurity…Deep down the ‘arrogants’ are missing out on a profound being at peace with them selves or with life. So, there is no balance… In the middle of the stick you’ll find self-confidence and contentedness with self and the world. Arrogance and insecurity are absence.
A client in one of my couple counseling sessions lately, told me he felt insecure about many things and his wife told him often, while loving him much and very awakened on top of that, what was wrong about him, how childish he was and lacking perseverance. The poor guy could do 2 things ; to become angry and letting his frustration out, than people would say; ‘Ohhh, he has anger issues, ‘ or turning it to himself and becoming self destructive. Cutting. Alcoholism. Feelings of depression. He blamed himself for the dominant behavior of his wife, such a strong vibrant person. Well, again balance is at stake. She is strong and attacking and believing SHE was right…, he smaller and defending himself…One of the best way to quit with those dynamics is learning the Crystal Clear Communication model (NVC). Only observation, clear!, no hidden judgments, attacks, analysis, comparison and so on. Judgment kills the love. We are responsible for our own happiness. many know that one. But HOW do you do that? By not putting ourselves up as BETTER then our partner. By focusing on our needs , respecting those and the needs from the other as well! Sacrificing yourself for the other and then later to blame that one that you couldn’t do what you choose to, is not doing any good.either. It is totally appropriate to honor you own feelings and needs. Which is something else then to become selfish or self centered…Inner peace, heart-fullness? is a natural state as a result of balance… A wonderful tool to discover hidden truths in relationships and you name it is Family Constellation work. carlavanwalsum.com