Divorce. Eight years ago I divorced without a lawyer. To ease the difficulties I used energy psychology tools which really helped. Because there were 3 children involved, there was a mandatory 3 hour mediation session. A very nice and capable woman, also psychologist, showed up and we all were pleased how the session went. A little while ago I bumped into her at a party and I said: “You know, everything turned out so well, my ex and I have a very cordial relationship and the children are doing great and do not have any significant emotional scars or issues as result from the divorce whatsoever.” She paused, and looked deep into my eyes and said “Carla, they ALWAYS get scarred by divorce”. I answered “No , that is called LIFE!” Difficult life experiences are opportunities for growth and learning that enrich and strengthen us. These experiences shape us to be Read More
Relationships, marriage, epigenetics A deadly habits in relationships …
“Appreciation of our diversity”, I wish that would be a class in school. It would prepare us at least partially for our future relationships with ourselves and with others. Competition divides us and is a killer for friendships and relationships. The trend to look at “winners and losers” by validating the “winner” much more than the “loser” doesn’t teach our children compassion or respect. That is quite contradicting to the call or request for respect which is so often expressed. In intimate relationships and with parenting styles criticism, comparison and judgment of behavior – especially when our needs aren’t met- is rather rule then exception. One key for happy relationships is feeling totally accepted for who you are. When people are in love, they tend to see only the good in the other. That’s not only because they don’t see “reality” (whose reality is it anyway), they just focus on Read More
Gratitude In the morning I printed something in Office Max and suddenly a tiny lady came over to me and said:” sorry to bother u but I have to tell you that i see u surrounded with so much light and loving energy.” “Well, thank you” I said “I’m a therapist so I need a lot of light and loving energy!”. I was actually expecting to hear next that a dark force is coming to hurt me and all i needed to do was doing a session with her. Several “psychics” have done that before! But no, she didn’t. She said: “I printed out several pictures I made and want to give them to you. Birds represent freedom and if u are sad look at the birds and they make you happy! Their wings show us how to escape from being hurt or treated badly”. The pictures I thought they are Read More
Great relationship Jen, a client, came into my office totally upset. Her partner didn’t want to join her today in the session. He was angry because of what Jen said to him, and he was “done”. At least, that’s the excuse he used. “I told him that he was a real narcissist and that he listened too much to his ego and never to me.” “Well, if you attack him, for sure he won’t listen to you. First, never express your frustration by attacking someone. You bring in attack and defense mechanisms from the courtroom; this is not a great arena for compassionate relationships. When attacked, no one will listen to what is really hidden behind the words… There is no compassionate, heartfelt connection at that moment. Second, if you are hurt do not hurt back, but EXPRESS your feelings and needs.”
Siblings, Family relationships, family constellations Siblings… Just came back from teaching in college an experiential workshop “Unlock the Hidden Wisdom of your Energy-fields”. A theme that was brought up by one of the students “J”: “sibling rivalry and jealousy”. The relationship between J and her sister was burdened by negativity and the youngest, J, indicated she wanted to have a happier relationship with her only sibling. She has practiced forgiveness but needed more work to do, she suggested. “J” appeared as extremely friendly and smiling a lot. She explicitly smiled when she was telling me and the group how painful it was for her. Case: Two sisters, one year apart, both now in their twenties. The youngest sister was present in my class. Parents have compared both girls a lot, the eldest did many things which were perceived as “wrong” by the parents, so they limited the younger one in Read More
Rejection. Lately, in the bereavement group I am leading, we spoke about “lonesomeness”. If after 50-60+ years of marriage you lose your partner, an entirely new challenge pops up; to take care of your own well being, or to get happy-up-to-certain-degree again. One lady, a socially well-known, very respected and widow of two years, said: “I have many friends, I know so many people, but no one calls me up to go out for dinner or to do something”. Another woman in the group said “That is because they are couples”. I replied, “There are so may single people, this is probably not the reason”. If you want something, you must give it first. If you want more love and kindness, just be it and live it. This also works if you want more money, you need to be generous. It is an ongoing cycle. To be wealthy, successful and Read More
I have seen several clients this week, beautiful, insightful conscious people who want to make the best out of their lives. Many spent tremendously much energy and effort in ‘deleting’ out of their system the hurt caused by others. Nasty remarks, selfish actions, senseless judgments, all stuff that we dont need and is put for free, uninvited on our plates. The negative energy as a result is tremendous for the receivers. Hurting others, the effect of a “closed”heart, not understanding what you are doing to others and feeling threatened by the world, seeing danger everywhere and most of all feeling a victim of live and circumstances, needs to be released. Yay! Send fear away, out of your life!
Epigenetics: Clinical psychology research has shown that traumas are stored in the limbic brain for at least 3 generations. Thoughts are energy, sub-and unconscious(ness) are energy fields. Traumas are stored there as all the collected data of the past, and are energetic substances that impact our lives and our happiness/wellbeing today. In order to really thriving and living your full potential, recognizing and healing/releasing trauma’s is imperative. Troublesome relationships can be a sign of trauma’s in the family-energy field.
YOUR own happiness! Many know this statement, and yes, they agree. However: if I ask the next question: and how do you DO that? A big silence follows… It is here where the model of Crystal Clear Communication ( Non-violent) is a great to tool to use. No, we will never find someone who will make us happy 24/7. Would be nice, right… So, we need to own everything. If we get crazy because our kids are fighting, it s not because they are doing difficult: no, it s because our needs of harmony and peace at home or in the CAR are not met. As much as we despite it, people, also kids, have the right to be authentic, and sometimes that includes having a ad mood or temper.