Adoption


Fear of what if…

Fear of what if… Our family experiences and burdens determine our lives today. Clinical psychology science shows that traumas are stored in the limbic brain for about three to seven generations. How many people do you know who really thrive, feel successful and live in a harmonious family? Often it is just about surviving in life. The baggage we carry we cannot get rid of easily either. YOU want to make changes, but how? Many people raise their children based on fear, the fear of: “What if…” But we cannot control what will happen. We cannot control others without their compliance either.  The world is dangerous and always has been, we just know more about it. Today, kids barely play outdoors anymore, though free play is extremely important for a balanced development. Schools are overwhelmingly large, often there is no recess, directive not interactive  teaching and create, in general a lot Read More


No label for divorce please!

Divorce. Eight years ago I divorced without a lawyer. To ease the difficulties  I used energy psychology tools which really helped. Because there were 3 children involved, there was a mandatory 3 hour mediation session. A very nice and capable woman, also psychologist, showed up and we all were pleased how the session went. A little while ago I bumped into her at a party and I said: “You know, everything turned out so well, my ex and I have a very cordial relationship  and the children are doing great and do not have any significant emotional scars or issues as result from the divorce whatsoever.”  She paused, and looked deep into my eyes and said “Carla, they ALWAYS get scarred by divorce”. I answered “No , that is called LIFE!” Difficult life experiences  are opportunities for growth and  learning  that enrich and strengthen us. These experiences shape us to be Read More


A deadly habit in relationships…

Relationships, marriage, epigenetics   A deadly habits in relationships …  


3 Tips for Loving, Happy Relationships

“Appreciation of our diversity”, I wish that would be a class in school. It would prepare us at least partially for our future relationships with ourselves and with others. Competition divides us and is a killer for friendships and relationships. The trend to look at “winners and losers” by validating the “winner” much more than the “loser” doesn’t teach our children compassion or respect. That is quite contradicting to the call or request for respect which is so often expressed. In intimate relationships and with parenting styles criticism, comparison and judgment of behavior – especially when our needs aren’t met- is rather rule then exception. One key for happy relationships is feeling totally accepted for who you are. When people are in love, they tend to see only the good in the other. That’s not only because they don’t see “reality” (whose reality is it anyway), they just focus on Read More


What do you prefer, respect or…

RESPECT? “He’s never going to raise his voice to his parents! ” The very gentle, nice father appeared very decided. “That’s what I learned from my parents,” he said. The very gentle, nice father appeared very decided. I looked at his wife and she nodded her head in agreement. “Ok,” I said” I get that.” “Do you ever yell at your son? “Sometimes…,” the father answered. “Often” the mom answered very honest. “Well, then you lost your right to demand that your kids will never yell at you. Because…what they learned from you is that when you are frustrated and angry you yell! That’s the way you show them to behave when you are upset! And…for children in general, it’s much harder to control their emotions, just because they are kids. So if you can’t…” The parents looked up pretty confused. I continued: “If you punish as you did, and Read More


Fathers-day…

Respect, honoring Fathers-day… for many people an insightful moment of reflection and gratitude. Really? It’s awesome if your heart naturally overflows from love and gratitude for the part you father contributes or has contributed in your life. But, for maybe even more people it’s a day with mixed feelings or just anger and sadness. Honoring your parents is a duty that has been imposed in your education by religions and other ideologies. It’s one of the Ten Commandments. Honoring your elders is an integral part in every culture. The “respect and honoring your parents” from the heart, which is so totally different then politeness, can be such a difficult act to do for those who have suffered abuse and rejection. They need compassion and no condemnation. They need more, actually. Much personal work needs to be done to undergo eventually a huge metamorphosis and release all bitterness, anger and pain.


Rejection

Rejection. Lately, in the bereavement group I am leading, we spoke about “lonesomeness”.  If after 50-60+ years of marriage you lose your partner, an entirely new challenge pops up; to take care of your own well being, or to get happy-up-to-certain-degree again. One lady, a socially well-known, very respected and widow of two years, said: “I have many friends, I know so many people, but no one calls me up to go out for dinner or to do something”. Another woman in the group said “That is because they are couples”. I replied, “There are so may single people, this is probably not the reason”.  If you want something, you must give it first. If you want more love and kindness, just be it and live it. This also works if you want more money, you need to be generous. It is an ongoing cycle. To be wealthy, successful and Read More


Living a Life of Love

Living a Life of Love, Family Constellations, Transgenerational Traumas “I have three young kids” said a friendly woman voice when she called me a while ago. “I want to be the best possible loving mother, and I think I am doing quite well. Though, my own mother (Louise) has always been aloof and cold towards me, as  her own mother was to her. I do not want my children to continue with these patterns and dynamics and I would like to see what I can do about that in your next “Awaken to Your Happiest Life!” (Family Constellations).  Well, she came and the work showed clearly that the mother of my client, Louise, who was not present herself, felt disconnected and aloof from her family. In other words: Love wasn’t flowing. Apparently it became clear that  Louise was very connected to her grandmother. When I asked my client what happened Read More


Living a Life of Love: Cheating

“I am afraid he might cheat on me…” said 20 year old Melissa,  looking at me a little sad. “This is one of my anxieties” she added. “What makes you think he would do that?” “Well, it happened to me once before, and my dad did it to my mom. They are very good friends now, but they divorced because of it.”  I explained Melissa that these experiences need to be healed before you are ready to enter into a new relationship. If you walk around with such fears, chances are big that you will attract a guy that will fit in that picture.   The fear in your energy field is felt, unconsciously though, by others. Such a thought can also become a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Did your dad lose a parent in his childhood?” “His parents divorced when he was young and his step-dad became his “father-figure,” Melissa answered.” Read More


Adoption and then what…

It seems so easy. You are pregnant, you cannot keep or don’t want the baby, and several people (who have a monetary or other interests) are suggesting or pressuring you to give up the baby for adoption “because there are wonderful parents waiting to give your child a great life.” Really? For sure, there ARE wonderful parents who are adopting children that need a home. No bad word about that! Often those kids are filling a hole in the childless marriages of those people. All that love and care they receive from those parents is a GREAT gift. However, babies are grown in the whom of their own mother. And giving away by birth is a deep felt Trauma with life-long consequences, with often a theme of BONDING issues and a doubtful SELF-ESTEEM. Poor birth mothers who have been forced to give their babies away, they are traumatized for life. Read More