Great relationship Jen, a client, came into my office totally upset. Her partner didn’t want to join her today in the session. He was angry because of what Jen said to him, and he was “done”. At least, that’s the excuse he used. “I told him that he was a real narcissist and that he listened too much to his ego and never to me.” “Well, if you attack him, for sure he won’t listen to you. First, never express your frustration by attacking someone. You bring in attack and defense mechanisms from the courtroom; this is not a great arena for compassionate relationships. When attacked, no one will listen to what is really hidden behind the words… There is no compassionate, heartfelt connection at that moment. Second, if you are hurt do not hurt back, but EXPRESS your feelings and needs.”
RESPECT? “He’s never going to raise his voice to his parents! ” The very gentle, nice father appeared very decided. “That’s what I learned from my parents,” he said. The very gentle, nice father appeared very decided. I looked at his wife and she nodded her head in agreement. “Ok,” I said” I get that.” “Do you ever yell at your son? “Sometimes…,” the father answered. “Often” the mom answered very honest. “Well, then you lost your right to demand that your kids will never yell at you. Because…what they learned from you is that when you are frustrated and angry you yell! That’s the way you show them to behave when you are upset! And…for children in general, it’s much harder to control their emotions, just because they are kids. So if you can’t…” The parents looked up pretty confused. I continued: “If you punish as you did, and Read More
Siblings, Family relationships, family constellations Siblings… Just came back from teaching in college an experiential workshop “Unlock the Hidden Wisdom of your Energy-fields”. A theme that was brought up by one of the students “J”: “sibling rivalry and jealousy”. The relationship between J and her sister was burdened by negativity and the youngest, J, indicated she wanted to have a happier relationship with her only sibling. She has practiced forgiveness but needed more work to do, she suggested. “J” appeared as extremely friendly and smiling a lot. She explicitly smiled when she was telling me and the group how painful it was for her. Case: Two sisters, one year apart, both now in their twenties. The youngest sister was present in my class. Parents have compared both girls a lot, the eldest did many things which were perceived as “wrong” by the parents, so they limited the younger one in Read More
Anxieties, panic attacks As many know: Love is healing. Even only focusing on the word, the concept of love, is sufficient to change your energy/vibrations. Isn’t that a wonderful tool? Please, if you think you “have anxieties” stop saying and believing that. It is the way of thinking in clinical psychology that comes from following the medical model; finding a symptom and fighting that symptom. The whole picture is left out in contemplating and finding causes. Headache? Take a pill. But WHY is your body creating headache? Same with anxiety. Yes, neurological reasons can be the cause. But the mental state and way of processing rather said choosing positive thoughts are incredible important in how to deal with it. Further; every thought you think is registered in your sub conscious. That becomes for 95% the motor of your behavior. If you tell yourself you “HAVE” something your sub conscious believes Read More
Living a Life of Love, Family Constellations, Transgenerational Traumas “I have three young kids” said a friendly woman voice when she called me a while ago. “I want to be the best possible loving mother, and I think I am doing quite well. Though, my own mother (Louise) has always been aloof and cold towards me, as her own mother was to her. I do not want my children to continue with these patterns and dynamics and I would like to see what I can do about that in your next “Awaken to Your Happiest Life!” (Family Constellations). Well, she came and the work showed clearly that the mother of my client, Louise, who was not present herself, felt disconnected and aloof from her family. In other words: Love wasn’t flowing. Apparently it became clear that Louise was very connected to her grandmother. When I asked my client what happened Read More
“I am afraid he might cheat on me…” said 20 year old Melissa, looking at me a little sad. “This is one of my anxieties” she added. “What makes you think he would do that?” “Well, it happened to me once before, and my dad did it to my mom. They are very good friends now, but they divorced because of it.” I explained Melissa that these experiences need to be healed before you are ready to enter into a new relationship. If you walk around with such fears, chances are big that you will attract a guy that will fit in that picture. The fear in your energy field is felt, unconsciously though, by others. Such a thought can also become a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Did your dad lose a parent in his childhood?” “His parents divorced when he was young and his step-dad became his “father-figure,” Melissa answered.” Read More
It seems so easy. You are pregnant, you cannot keep or don’t want the baby, and several people (who have a monetary or other interests) are suggesting or pressuring you to give up the baby for adoption “because there are wonderful parents waiting to give your child a great life.” Really? For sure, there ARE wonderful parents who are adopting children that need a home. No bad word about that! Often those kids are filling a hole in the childless marriages of those people. All that love and care they receive from those parents is a GREAT gift. However, babies are grown in the whom of their own mother. And giving away by birth is a deep felt Trauma with life-long consequences, with often a theme of BONDING issues and a doubtful SELF-ESTEEM. Poor birth mothers who have been forced to give their babies away, they are traumatized for life. Read More
I have seen several clients this week, beautiful, insightful conscious people who want to make the best out of their lives. Many spent tremendously much energy and effort in ‘deleting’ out of their system the hurt caused by others. Nasty remarks, selfish actions, senseless judgments, all stuff that we dont need and is put for free, uninvited on our plates. The negative energy as a result is tremendous for the receivers. Hurting others, the effect of a “closed”heart, not understanding what you are doing to others and feeling threatened by the world, seeing danger everywhere and most of all feeling a victim of live and circumstances, needs to be released. Yay! Send fear away, out of your life!
Epigenetics: Clinical psychology research has shown that traumas are stored in the limbic brain for at least 3 generations. Thoughts are energy, sub-and unconscious(ness) are energy fields. Traumas are stored there as all the collected data of the past, and are energetic substances that impact our lives and our happiness/wellbeing today. In order to really thriving and living your full potential, recognizing and healing/releasing trauma’s is imperative. Troublesome relationships can be a sign of trauma’s in the family-energy field.
YOUR own happiness! Many know this statement, and yes, they agree. However: if I ask the next question: and how do you DO that? A big silence follows… It is here where the model of Crystal Clear Communication ( Non-violent) is a great to tool to use. No, we will never find someone who will make us happy 24/7. Would be nice, right… So, we need to own everything. If we get crazy because our kids are fighting, it s not because they are doing difficult: no, it s because our needs of harmony and peace at home or in the CAR are not met. As much as we despite it, people, also kids, have the right to be authentic, and sometimes that includes having a ad mood or temper.