Divorce. Eight years ago I divorced without a lawyer. To ease the difficulties I used energy psychology tools which really helped. Because there were 3 children involved, there was a mandatory 3 hour mediation session. A very nice and capable woman, also psychologist, showed up and we all were pleased how the session went. A little while ago I bumped into her at a party and I said: “You know, everything turned out so well, my ex and I have a very cordial relationship and the children are doing great and do not have any significant emotional scars or issues as result from the divorce whatsoever.” She paused, and looked deep into my eyes and said “Carla, they ALWAYS get scarred by divorce”. I answered “No , that is called LIFE!” Difficult life experiences are opportunities for growth and learning that enrich and strengthen us. These experiences shape us to be Read More
Empowerment children, family constellations Imagine that this quote would be taught at school. If children would learn that they can choose different thoughts about any situation! That they would learn to think independently, geared towards making positive choices. It would help them to face and change hidden negative beliefs and blocks. Those blocks thwart living a fulfilling life, hinder the flow of love and success in work. Often those negative beliefs run through the family for generations. If your ancestors lived in poverty and fear of persecution, most likely you carry some patterns that are still related to those situations. Even if there’s nothing to worry about, the habit to live in fear is deeply ingrained.If you cannot sleep because your bank account is kind of empty, you think that a huge amount of money would take away your worries and you would be happy. But guess what. Many who changed from being in Read More
Loss, grief, family constellations This morning I was teaching again a 3 hour class in Palm Beach State College. One of the things that became clear was the visible connection with feeling ” Fearful of Success” as a result of a criticizing childhood. Not much Self-love and self-appreciation, and feeling not-good enough were the biggest blocks with a specific, well-educated client. The shifts as were occurring today promisse trust in a more self-actualizing future. Much gratitude to all! Here below is 1 example of private sessions and workshops with the constellation-method. Generational patterns /Transferred traumas/Epigenetics. “My husband sometimes cheats on me, he says that he really loves me and doesn’t want to divorce, and it just drives me crazy!” Linda looked at me with deep sadness. “Did he lose a parent at a young age?” This is usually the first question I ask with these kind of matters. Why? Because as Bert Hellinger (Hellinger 2001) so greatly Read More
Generational Patterns /Transferred Traumas/ Epigenetics “My husband sometimes cheats on me, he says that he really loves me and doesn’t want to divorce, and it just drives me crazy!” Linda looked at me with deep sadness. “Did he lose a parent at a young age?” This is usually the first question I ask with these kind of matters. Why? Because as Bert Hellinger (Hellinger 2001) so greatly explained, “when a child loses a parent, he is not strong enough to bear the grief and sadness. Instead the child reacts with anger.“ Anger can be seen as aggression as well. The message that the child gets is also that of “If s/he really loved me s/he would have stayed. “ A young child doesn’t have a true understanding of what death or even loss through divorce means. As a result, they take these events personally.
Family Constellations, Epigenetics, Transgenerational traumas, To ponder about: What could be the impact on a person who lost 80 or 100+ family members by murder, even when he or she never met them? The family has a subconscious, or collective conscious field that contains the data of life-experiences, good and bad. In addition to that, clinical psychology science shows that traumas are stored in the Limbic brain for up to 7 generations. Did you know that world wide, in many Jewish families who somewhere are connected to what happened in the Holocaust, have a child(ren), grandchild(ren)with not explainable reasons for feelings of depression, anxieties, anger or strange illnesses. Trauma carries on, reverberates through generations. Its like negative energy that needs to be brought to peace. The soul has many faces. The method I use can help to disentangle and disconnect from that burden.
Relationships, marriage, epigenetics A deadly habits in relationships …
“Appreciation of our diversity”, I wish that would be a class in school. It would prepare us at least partially for our future relationships with ourselves and with others. Competition divides us and is a killer for friendships and relationships. The trend to look at “winners and losers” by validating the “winner” much more than the “loser” doesn’t teach our children compassion or respect. That is quite contradicting to the call or request for respect which is so often expressed. In intimate relationships and with parenting styles criticism, comparison and judgment of behavior – especially when our needs aren’t met- is rather rule then exception. One key for happy relationships is feeling totally accepted for who you are. When people are in love, they tend to see only the good in the other. That’s not only because they don’t see “reality” (whose reality is it anyway), they just focus on Read More
Last night I learned about the sound of compassion. How does compassion sound? Before you start to laugh or think critically you might consider doing what Einstein did. He declared that everything is energy. Having said that, we squeeze our minds to try to imagine what that really means. It’s very abstract, right? Not easy to do in a society where validation primarily is given to the perceivable world. Anyway, very old wisdom written down in one of the books of the Zohar (Kabbalah) teaches us that the “Aaaaahhhh” sound, felt in the chest by focusing on the heart and chest, has a level of vibration that creates compassion. You just put your hand on your heart and feel it. From Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer I learned that Shaaaaahhh… is the sound of creation. So that indicates that Ahhh: “compassion” is an integral part of Shaaaahhh. To chant that sound is a great start of the Read More
Do not take it personally! Really? No one to blame? Is it THEIR stuff? One of the tools that contributes to personal happiness is this quote from Don Miquel Ruiz: “Do not take it personally!” It is a very simple phrase that contains much wisdom. As adults we can choose to relearn communication, free of blaming, manipulation and guilt trips. We can choose to awaken and practice kindness, compassion and loving acceptance in our thoughts and behavior. We reframe our conscious mind with clarity, undo and release habitual thinking patterns stored in our Epigenetics, our “emotional DNA”, and we become aware of the energy of words. We learn to shift gears if we tell ourselves that we do not take it personally when someone brings us out of balance, hurts or blames us. On top of that we learn to honor our needs. The compassionate model of Non-violent Communication /Crystal Read More
Great relationship Jen, a client, came into my office totally upset. Her partner didn’t want to join her today in the session. He was angry because of what Jen said to him, and he was “done”. At least, that’s the excuse he used. “I told him that he was a real narcissist and that he listened too much to his ego and never to me.” “Well, if you attack him, for sure he won’t listen to you. First, never express your frustration by attacking someone. You bring in attack and defense mechanisms from the courtroom; this is not a great arena for compassionate relationships. When attacked, no one will listen to what is really hidden behind the words… There is no compassionate, heartfelt connection at that moment. Second, if you are hurt do not hurt back, but EXPRESS your feelings and needs.”