Rejection. Lately, in the bereavement group I am leading, we spoke about “lonesomeness”. If after 50-60+ years of marriage you lose your partner, an entirely new challenge pops up; to take care of your own well being, or to get happy-up-to-certain-degree again. One lady, a socially well-known, very respected and widow of two years, said: “I have many friends, I know so many people, but no one calls me up to go out for dinner or to do something”. Another woman in the group said “That is because they are couples”. I replied, “There are so may single people, this is probably not the reason”. If you want something, you must give it first. If you want more love and kindness, just be it and live it. This also works if you want more money, you need to be generous. It is an ongoing cycle. To be wealthy, successful and Read More
blame, shame In the past decades much psychotherapy was focused on blaming the parents when a child, regardless what age, had problems of thriving. In many cases, that did not contribute to more inner peace, and harmony in the family. NOW there is a common belief that when issues are arising, the blame for the problems is put on the ABSENCE of a parent. Either way, blaming does not create compassion, healing or insight, only guilt, shame and victim-hood. The absence of an abusive parent could be a bliss as well, the less violence in a child’s life, the better, right? Key of the issue is that when the CHILD is helped to heal negative experiences and is guided to learn to forgive, to be empathic and taught to LOVE and APPRECIATE him/herself really, those energies pre-pave the path to a healthy, happy and thriving personality. Every experience can be Read More
If the urge to control OTHERS would be recognized as an expression of FEARful thinking, than parents could be much more happy if they communicate their wishes differently. We can never REALLY expect anybody to do something they dont want to comply with, other then using coercion/ threat which is violent.
Being punished or rewarded for every step you take takes away the natural joy and behavior of ‘just doing it’
Requesting respectfully based on compassion and awareness of each others needs creates easy compliance. The model of Crystal Clear Communication is a great tool to realize that. Not to please each other to get something out of it, but to please because it is great to do something for someone else.
The joy of the mitsvah/a good deed. Just a higher level of conscious living.