Divorce. Eight years ago I divorced without a lawyer. To ease the difficulties I used energy psychology tools which really helped. Because there were 3 children involved, there was a mandatory 3 hour mediation session. A very nice and capable woman, also psychologist, showed up and we all were pleased how the session went. A little while ago I bumped into her at a party and I said: “You know, everything turned out so well, my ex and I have a very cordial relationship and the children are doing great and do not have any significant emotional scars or issues as result from the divorce whatsoever.” She paused, and looked deep into my eyes and said “Carla, they ALWAYS get scarred by divorce”. I answered “No , that is called LIFE!” Difficult life experiences are opportunities for growth and learning that enrich and strengthen us. These experiences shape us to be Read More
I have never met you…When the presence of absence is felt When because of war or other disasters many family members are killed or perished, the members who survived, even though they might have never met the other members, can often feel the absence of their presence. Family Constellations show that, unexpectedly, identification can occur with one or more dead family members. We all are part of a so called ‘Family-Soul’; an intelligence that encompasses the evolution and nature of the family over several generations. Those who belong to the Family Soul are the children, parents and their siblings, (great-) grandparents, and anyone who has been excluded from the family system ( i.e. excluded, rejected members who were called ’bad’, former spouses, stillborn and aborted children).When we bring them back into the system by acknowledging and honoring them, we see that Constellations are a very effective way to restore harmony Read More
Generational Patterns /Transferred Traumas/ Epigenetics “My husband sometimes cheats on me, he says that he really loves me and doesn’t want to divorce, and it just drives me crazy!” Linda looked at me with deep sadness. “Did he lose a parent at a young age?” This is usually the first question I ask with these kind of matters. Why? Because as Bert Hellinger (Hellinger 2001) so greatly explained, “when a child loses a parent, he is not strong enough to bear the grief and sadness. Instead the child reacts with anger.“ Anger can be seen as aggression as well. The message that the child gets is also that of “If s/he really loved me s/he would have stayed. “ A young child doesn’t have a true understanding of what death or even loss through divorce means. As a result, they take these events personally.
Family Constellations, Epigenetics, Transgenerational traumas, To ponder about: What could be the impact on a person who lost 80 or 100+ family members by murder, even when he or she never met them? The family has a subconscious, or collective conscious field that contains the data of life-experiences, good and bad. In addition to that, clinical psychology science shows that traumas are stored in the Limbic brain for up to 7 generations. Did you know that world wide, in many Jewish families who somewhere are connected to what happened in the Holocaust, have a child(ren), grandchild(ren)with not explainable reasons for feelings of depression, anxieties, anger or strange illnesses. Trauma carries on, reverberates through generations. Its like negative energy that needs to be brought to peace. The soul has many faces. The method I use can help to disentangle and disconnect from that burden.
Relationships, marriage, epigenetics A deadly habits in relationships …
“Appreciation of our diversity”, I wish that would be a class in school. It would prepare us at least partially for our future relationships with ourselves and with others. Competition divides us and is a killer for friendships and relationships. The trend to look at “winners and losers” by validating the “winner” much more than the “loser” doesn’t teach our children compassion or respect. That is quite contradicting to the call or request for respect which is so often expressed. In intimate relationships and with parenting styles criticism, comparison and judgment of behavior – especially when our needs aren’t met- is rather rule then exception. One key for happy relationships is feeling totally accepted for who you are. When people are in love, they tend to see only the good in the other. That’s not only because they don’t see “reality” (whose reality is it anyway), they just focus on Read More
Last night I learned about the sound of compassion. How does compassion sound? Before you start to laugh or think critically you might consider doing what Einstein did. He declared that everything is energy. Having said that, we squeeze our minds to try to imagine what that really means. It’s very abstract, right? Not easy to do in a society where validation primarily is given to the perceivable world. Anyway, very old wisdom written down in one of the books of the Zohar (Kabbalah) teaches us that the “Aaaaahhhh” sound, felt in the chest by focusing on the heart and chest, has a level of vibration that creates compassion. You just put your hand on your heart and feel it. From Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer I learned that Shaaaaahhh… is the sound of creation. So that indicates that Ahhh: “compassion” is an integral part of Shaaaahhh. To chant that sound is a great start of the Read More
Great relationship Jen, a client, came into my office totally upset. Her partner didn’t want to join her today in the session. He was angry because of what Jen said to him, and he was “done”. At least, that’s the excuse he used. “I told him that he was a real narcissist and that he listened too much to his ego and never to me.” “Well, if you attack him, for sure he won’t listen to you. First, never express your frustration by attacking someone. You bring in attack and defense mechanisms from the courtroom; this is not a great arena for compassionate relationships. When attacked, no one will listen to what is really hidden behind the words… There is no compassionate, heartfelt connection at that moment. Second, if you are hurt do not hurt back, but EXPRESS your feelings and needs.”
Anxieties, panic attacks As many know: Love is healing. Even only focusing on the word, the concept of love, is sufficient to change your energy/vibrations. Isn’t that a wonderful tool? Please, if you think you “have anxieties” stop saying and believing that. It is the way of thinking in clinical psychology that comes from following the medical model; finding a symptom and fighting that symptom. The whole picture is left out in contemplating and finding causes. Headache? Take a pill. But WHY is your body creating headache? Same with anxiety. Yes, neurological reasons can be the cause. But the mental state and way of processing rather said choosing positive thoughts are incredible important in how to deal with it. Further; every thought you think is registered in your sub conscious. That becomes for 95% the motor of your behavior. If you tell yourself you “HAVE” something your sub conscious believes Read More
Rejection. Lately, in the bereavement group I am leading, we spoke about “lonesomeness”. If after 50-60+ years of marriage you lose your partner, an entirely new challenge pops up; to take care of your own well being, or to get happy-up-to-certain-degree again. One lady, a socially well-known, very respected and widow of two years, said: “I have many friends, I know so many people, but no one calls me up to go out for dinner or to do something”. Another woman in the group said “That is because they are couples”. I replied, “There are so may single people, this is probably not the reason”. If you want something, you must give it first. If you want more love and kindness, just be it and live it. This also works if you want more money, you need to be generous. It is an ongoing cycle. To be wealthy, successful and Read More