Relationships


Do you like debates?

Do you enjoy watching or listening to  sharp, inspirational and intelligent debates? I do. It’s an art if it includes maintaining respect for each other. Unfortunately, when the element of competition joins the performance, lower vibrations arise. Attacking, judging, cursing, become intruding tools. Lately, the political debates and news reports have repeatedly shown how easily lack a of respect surfaces, and how easily many people have made all kind of judgments. We know a lot, but there’s a lot we do NOT know. Self-development In the world of self-development it is crucial to become aware of criticism, judgments and presumptions in order to create fulfilling relationships and happy children. Cursing at each other and criticizing frequently tends to kill love and self-esteem. Comparison If we bring elements of comparison and competition in a relationship or friendship and think or say: “I’m better than you. My family is better than you. My Read More


Fear of what if…

Fear of what if… Our family experiences and burdens determine our lives today. Clinical psychology science shows that traumas are stored in the limbic brain for about three to seven generations. How many people do you know who really thrive, feel successful and live in a harmonious family? Often it is just about surviving in life. The baggage we carry we cannot get rid of easily either. YOU want to make changes, but how? Many people raise their children based on fear, the fear of: “What if…” But we cannot control what will happen. We cannot control others without their compliance either.  The world is dangerous and always has been, we just know more about it. Today, kids barely play outdoors anymore, though free play is extremely important for a balanced development. Schools are overwhelmingly large, often there is no recess, directive not interactive  teaching and create, in general a lot Read More


What about Epigenetics and Cheating

  Generational Patterns /Transferred Traumas/ Epigenetics “My husband sometimes cheats on me, he says that he really loves me and doesn’t want to divorce, and it just drives me crazy!” Linda looked at me with deep sadness. “Did he lose a parent at a young age?”  This is usually the first question I ask with these kind of matters. Why? Because as Bert Hellinger (Hellinger 2001) so greatly explained, “when a child loses a parent, he is not strong enough to bear the grief and sadness. Instead the child reacts with anger.“  Anger can be seen as aggression as well.  The message that the child gets is also that of “If s/he really loved me s/he would have stayed. “ A young child doesn’t have a true understanding of what death or even loss through divorce means.  As a result, they take these events personally.


To ponder about…

Family Constellations, Epigenetics, Transgenerational traumas, To ponder about: What could be the impact on a person who lost 80 or 100+ family members by murder, even when he or she never met them? The family has a subconscious, or collective conscious field that contains the data of life-experiences, good and bad.  In addition to that, clinical psychology science shows that traumas are stored in the Limbic brain for up to 7 generations. Did you know that world wide, in many Jewish families who somewhere are connected to what happened in the Holocaust, have a child(ren), grandchild(ren)with not explainable reasons for feelings of depression, anxieties, anger or strange illnesses.  Trauma carries on, reverberates through generations. Its like negative energy that needs to be brought to peace. The soul has many faces.  The method I use can help to disentangle and disconnect from that burden.


A deadly habit in relationships…

Relationships, marriage, epigenetics   A deadly habits in relationships …  


3 Tips for Loving, Happy Relationships

“Appreciation of our diversity”, I wish that would be a class in school. It would prepare us at least partially for our future relationships with ourselves and with others. Competition divides us and is a killer for friendships and relationships. The trend to look at “winners and losers” by validating the “winner” much more than the “loser” doesn’t teach our children compassion or respect. That is quite contradicting to the call or request for respect which is so often expressed. In intimate relationships and with parenting styles criticism, comparison and judgment of behavior – especially when our needs aren’t met- is rather rule then exception. One key for happy relationships is feeling totally accepted for who you are. When people are in love, they tend to see only the good in the other. That’s not only because they don’t see “reality” (whose reality is it anyway), they just focus on Read More


The Sound of Compassion

Last night I learned about the sound of compassion. How does compassion sound?  Before you start to laugh or think critically you might consider doing what Einstein did. He declared that everything is energy. Having said that, we squeeze our minds to try to imagine what that really means. It’s very abstract, right? Not easy to do in a society where validation primarily is given to the perceivable world. Anyway, very old wisdom written down in one of the books of the Zohar (Kabbalah) teaches us that the “Aaaaahhhh” sound, felt in the chest by focusing on the heart and chest, has a level of vibration that creates compassion. You just put your hand on your heart and feel it. From Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer I learned that Shaaaaahhh… is the sound of creation. So that indicates that Ahhh: “compassion” is an integral part of Shaaaahhh. To chant that sound is a great start of the Read More


Do not take it personally!

Do not take it personally! Really?  No one to blame? Is it THEIR stuff? One of the tools that contributes to personal happiness is this quote from Don Miquel Ruiz: “Do not take it personally!” It is a very simple phrase that contains much wisdom. As adults we can choose to relearn communication, free of blaming, manipulation and guilt trips. We can choose to awaken and practice kindness, compassion and loving acceptance in our thoughts and behavior. We reframe our conscious mind with clarity, undo and release habitual thinking patterns stored in our Epigenetics, our “emotional DNA”, and we become aware of the energy of words. We learn to shift gears if we tell ourselves that we do not take it personally when someone brings us out of balance, hurts or blames us. On top of that we learn to honor our needs. The compassionate model of Non-violent Communication /Crystal Read More


One secret of a great relationship is balance…

Great relationship Jen, a client, came into my office totally upset. Her partner didn’t want to join her today in the session. He was angry because of what Jen said to him, and he was “done”.  At least, that’s the excuse he used.  “I told him that he was a real narcissist and that he listened too much to his ego and never to me.” “Well, if you attack him, for sure he won’t listen to you.  First, never express your frustration by attacking someone. You bring in attack and defense mechanisms from the courtroom; this is not a great arena for compassionate relationships. When attacked, no one will listen to what is really hidden behind the words… There is no compassionate, heartfelt connection at that moment.  Second, if you are hurt do not hurt back, but EXPRESS your feelings and needs.”


Anxieties?

Anxieties, panic attacks As many know: Love is healing. Even only focusing on the word, the concept of love, is sufficient to change your energy/vibrations. Isn’t that a wonderful tool? Please, if you think you “have anxieties” stop saying and believing that. It is the way of thinking in clinical psychology that comes from following the medical model; finding a symptom and fighting that symptom. The whole picture is left out in contemplating and finding causes. Headache? Take a pill. But WHY is your body creating headache? Same with anxiety. Yes, neurological reasons can be the cause. But the mental state and way of processing rather said choosing positive thoughts are incredible important in how to deal with it. Further; every thought you think is registered in your sub conscious. That becomes for 95% the motor of your behavior.  If you tell yourself you “HAVE” something your sub conscious believes Read More