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January 2015 | Carla Van Walsum, Ph.D. | Holistic Psychology

Grab my FREE Formula to Lift Your Spirits!

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Do not take it personally!

  • Heartbased, Conscious Parenting / Relationships

Do not take it personally! Really?  No one to blame? Is it THEIR stuff? One of the tools that contributes to personal happiness is this quote from Don Miquel Ruiz:…

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    About Me
    About Me

    Carla Van Walsum was trained in the Netherlands in Clinical Psychology, Holistic Therapies, and holds a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Counseling. She is the founder and owner of HeartBased Solutions, a holistic practice for individuals, couples, and families.

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    Carla Van Walsum Ph.D.
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    Holistic Psychology & Coaching
    A beautiful reminder! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A beautiful reminder! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Sometimes it almost feels difficult to do all this. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Sometimes it feels artificial to practice gratitude.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ That is also a signal that you need to look deeper into yourself, "why am feeling this." ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We cannot just be positive, loving, and compassionate by a commando.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You need to really feel it, authentically, will it help you.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Meditation, even 10 minutes, is a way to connect with yourself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you open your heart for more love, it's easier to be more compassionate. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There is no judgment here. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We humans are complex, yet also simple. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It's a journey about learning and growth. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You know that already.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Have a happy weekend y'all! #findyourself #selfworth #selfcaretips #strongertogether #loveishealing #selflove #selflovequotes #selfcareroutine #dailycalm #nourishyoursoul #selfcare #selfcarecoach #selfloveclub #selflovematters #youareenough #gratitudejournal #selfcompassion #selfimage #radicalselflove #selflovejourney #selfacceptance #mentalhealthawareness #selflover #confidencequotes #empathymatters #careercoach⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #gratitudeattitude #gratitudequotes #soulhealing #reparenting
    If we look at people beyond the labels, disorders, If we look at people beyond the labels, disorders, and qualifications, we enter another field.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In this field, this knowing field, we face family systems, where we can see we are part of a bigger picture.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Psychological science, unfortunately, mainly focuses on what can be seen and be proved. However, the psyche, the patterns running through generations, the traumas inherited through generations, our inner life, are not part of the psychological science.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Because, we cannot see the psyche, the soul, or inner being.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Psychology literally means: “Knowledge of the Soul”.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Today, the concept “soul” is left out of the equation. It’s only the behavior we can measure. And where does the behavior emanate from? 🧐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When we look closer into family systems, we see that much is hidden, that many patterns perpetuate through generations, and that loyalty can carry the hidden traumas by the future generations. That actually is proven by science, like the work of Dr. Rachel Yehudah.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There are methods that reveal where the entanglements are hidden, such as Family Constellation, The Emotion Code etc.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When we look into the souls of children, we want to acknowledge their beauty, their preciousness, their uniqueness.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ That means we need to move beyond the “good and bad” thinking. It’s all relative.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We need to ignore and transform the judging, qualifying, ego-driven projections.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Love and compassion are extremely powerful forces.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ With love and compassion, we can teach all we want. Our children will love it.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ They will learn and grow into healthy, caring, and responsible adults.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This is the title of a book by Bert Hellinger. ❣️⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .
    A deadly habit in relationships is being (excessiv A deadly habit in relationships is being (excessively) angry paired with wanting to win the “battle”. That usually creates a lot of pain and agony, for yourself and your loved ones.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Do you want to be right, or do you want to understand yourself and the ones who are dear to you?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Can you move beyond the I AM RIGHT! ...and look from a different perspective other than your own?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Or do you go for peace of mind, and speak from a humble, respectful place? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ That’s often so difficult if we are upset, right.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you are angry or upset, it means your needs are not met and your thoughts and feelings tell and show that. Those emotions can even come from very deep places in your subconsciousness, triggering past experiences that are stored. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But even though your needs might not be met, does it entitle anyone to curse, yell and scream? It is such a waste if the feeling of powerlessness takes over and if we do things we later might regret. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What helps is living with the intention to not hurt anyone.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What helps too is doing some self-reflection - what is my part in it?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What even helps more is learning Nonviolent Communication!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I call it Effective Communication, and it is such a help to create peace, within yourself, but also in relationships.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Instead of diving people into "Good or bad", "Narcissistic or victim thereof", or "Toxic and sensitive personalities", all that labeling doesnt really help to bring us closer, to create inclusion, and to work on a kinder world.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There are other ways of dealing with that. Want to know how? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Just book a free 30 minutes consultation.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This is a topic dear to my heart, so I would love to share with you more!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Love prevails... ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .
    To many, this quote may sound strange. The legenda To many, this quote may sound strange. The legendary Louise Hay, aka the "Queen of affirmations", believes that for her, the most important spiritual teacher of our time was Abraham (Hicks). For those of you who don't know - Abraham is the name of a group of non-physical beings who serve humanity with inspiration and on-point answers to so many different questions. Honestly, I know of no other human who could access this resource so quickly and profoundly. However, I also know if I would have created this quote, or something similar, I would have received tons of backlash from many parents. Why? Because most parents believe that you must control your kids, (while knowing we cannot control anybody without their compliance), they feel they must try to keep them out of trouble, or hope they avoid hanging out with the” wrong people”. Hence the creation of the simple judgment "Good kids and bad kids". A horrible judgement as well as inappropriate and unfair. I don’t believe there are "bad" kids, but only kids whose needs are not met. Kids, who lack(ed) nurture, respect, love and care, and only get the most crappy, cruel, and horrible treatment What they really need is compassion, help, and healing. Not exclusion. That means, when you interfere with your child's friendships, you create exclusion and intolerance. For instance, a child that exhibits difficult behavior often can be viewed as a lesson and used as an example of what not to follow. If a society wants to be more inclusive, start with teaching the right thing. Incidentally, for this reason, many kids with ADHD are often excluded by their friend's parents, other children, and schools! In a world where so many people work on elevating consciousness, they want to make the world a happier place, they practice all kinds of spirituality, they say they want to eliminate discrimination, hate, and bullying, yet they are so willing to dividing people, especially kids into two categories, good and bad. What a good place for everyone to start practicing their ideals. We can all start today! Send love and compassion to someone who you think might need it. It works!
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